Come with me to Koh Phangan, Thailand

The flight from Bangkok (BKK) to Koh Samui (USM), only a short hop of just over an hour, was uneventful but for one thing.  Following the serving of a snack, I erroneously accepted the offer of a coffee.   Well, I say “coffee”.  As it was passed to me I immediately realised the gravity of my mistake, as the unmistakable aroma of instant coffee hit my nostrils.  Instant coffee, people!  What was I thinking?  That I was back in Business Class?  This was economy.  I wasn’t flying flat.  It was cattle class.  On Bangkok Airways.   What did I think?  That I was going to be served a cup of Toby’s Estate Single Origin?  Oh lord, what was I to do now? Drink it I suppose.  I even tried the first sip without holding my nose.  It was like a challenge on that turgid tv show, set in the jungle somewhere, where z list “celebrities” are asked to eat a kangaroo scrotum.  In fact, I’d posit my challenge was even worse.  I had a whole cup of instant coffee to contend with.  I doubt that I’ll ever be the same again.  Possibly the worst 15 minutes of my life.  (I could be exaggerating a little here, but this is how I felt in the moment.)

The last time I had visited the island of Koh Phangan was back on that round the world backpacking trip in 1999.  Travelling overland, from Bangkok, and south through Thailand, I visited Koh Samui, Koh Phangan and Koh Tao, three islands in the Gulf of Thailand, that get smaller in that order.  That original trip, almost 20 years earlier, had me docking at Thong Sala pier on the west coast of Koh Phangan.  This was pre the internet, pre mobile phones.   Can any of my younger readers even understand that.  That we lived in a world where we weren’t just a couple of clicks from everything.  In the days when you lived and died by the Lonely Planet (other guide books are available) that you carried everywhere.  Clambering off the boat, slightly seasick from the choppy crossing, with lots of other unwashed, and dirty looking backpackers, to be greeted by hordes of ute driving bungalow owners.  Jumping in one that at least looked trustworthy, although from my rather hazy memory, they all looked as untrustworthy as each other.  It is fair to say I was a very inexperienced traveller in those days.  Very wet behind the ears.  I had a brand new, too big, backpack from the local Eurohike store in Halifax, and a pocketful of travellers cheques.  Yeah, you heard that right.  I had actual travellers cheques.  My god, I AM old.

This was the year that I realised that in general, people of the world can be trusted.  All they wanted was the same as we all want.  Enough money to be able to put food on the table and provide for their loved ones.  This was the year I realised we are all the same, regardless of race, or background.  In all the years I have travelled, both then, and subsequently, I have to say that I have not suffered anything worse than a bit of scamming.  The usual taxi ride, or tuk tuk ride, that you work out cost you the price of a week’s accommodation.  Yes, there was that time in the jungle in Colombia, when I was marched off a bus at gun point, and interrogated by the side of the road in Spanish by around four heavily armed, fatigue clad army officers.  But apart from my bad Spanish being my only offence, after lots of frantic discussions between the soldiers, on the fact that I didn’t have an identity card, like everybody else on the bus, but solo un pasaporte, I was free to go.

No such excitement on that first trip, and I can’t remember too much, other than the accommodation, which was a very basic wood and bamboo bungalow.  And please understand me when I say basic.  The shower was a pipe outside, out of which dripped some cold water.  But, like all the best bungalows in Thailand, it was right on the beach.  Serenaded to sleep by the sound of crashing waves.  A bungalow “resort” that was powered by a generator, meaning the only light beyond 9pm was that coming out of my head torch.  Which usually meant that this became the enforced bedtime.  Well, I had to save the head torch batteries for an emergency.  Or in case I ever had to go mining. 

As the island was very undeveloped in those days, it was a lazy stay.  Moving between the bungalow, the beach, and the only restaurant, which had a very limited menu.  The only dish I can remember having was crab fried rice.  And I had a lot of it.  Perhaps that was the only dish.  And this was before I had discovered e-readers.  Meaning the only reading material I had were the left over books at the bungalows.  Would I have ever picked up “Memoirs of a Geisha” otherwise?  For the record, it is a good read.

Fast forward to 2018, and another very peaceful stay by the water.  Panviman Resort advertises itself as “paradise”.  And it was.  For the first week.  All I had to worry about was had I put enough sunscreen on, and was it 1pm yet?  I had quickly developed a pavlovian response to the clock ticking over to the magic hour.  Happy hour.  Cold beer, good book, and relax.  You don’t realise how quiet it is.  Quite how peaceful.  Until a family of 4 turn up and start splashing in the pool like a herd of elephants at feeding time.  Then another family.  And another.  I came to the dreaded realisation that we seemed to have crossed over with the school holidays of some country.  Our peaceful paradise had become infested with little brats intent on making as much noise as possible.  If I heard “Marco Polo” one more time I was in danger of throwing an alligator into the pool to make light of them.

Thankfully, I had the refuge of the spa, and my facial to look forward to.  To maintain my zen.  I would also mention the excellent, if somewhat painful Thai massage I got, but the memory of those disposable, fishnet like string undies I was given to wear, still brings me out in cold shivers.

This 2018 trip was a little different from that much earlier one.   Greeted at the airport by an air-conditioned minibus, with a direct transfer to the pier in Fisherman’s Wharf in Koh Samui.  Home for the next 8 nights was to be the Panviman resort, located on the north-east side of Koh Phangan, reached by direct speedboat from Koh Samui.  With around 8 other guests we were whisked across the Gulf of Thailand, a short 40 minute boat ride, to be greeted by the banging of a Thai drum, and the many smiling faces of the very obliging hotel staff.  Not for nothing is Thailand known as “the land of smiles”.

Over the course of the intervening 20 years I had upgraded from that tiny fan “cooled”, gecko, and ant infested bungalow, to an air conditioned hotel room, with spacious balcony, and a large tv on which to watch the World Cup.   I did get a taste of that original trip, one day hiring a scooter to tour the island.  Only 250 baht for the whole day, approx $10AUD, we visited the stretch of coastline I had previously stayed at.  As was to be expected, I recognised nothing.  The coastline remains the same, but development in the years since means that it is in effect a different place altogether.

We visited Secret Beach, Thong Sala, and had a beer at Freeway Bar, perhaps one of the most chilled bars you could visit.  Being the only visitors we had to break up an animated discussion amongst the staff (well, I assumed they were staff as they were all just lounging around) to check the bar was actually open, and request our first cold Singha of the day.  I don’t remember distinctly checking, but I am pretty sure it was 5 o’clock somewhere.

Negotiating the very steep hills on our return to Thong Nai Pan Noi beach, we called in at the Than Sadet waterfalls.  I say “waterfalls”, but having been to Iguazu Falls, what we saw this day was probably better described as a small stream.  

The beaches and coastline of Koh Phangan are just as you would picture them. Wide swathes of beach.   Water as warm as an evening bath that is just starting to lose its heat.  And green as far as the eye can see.  All development is low-rise, so as you look out, across the island, you see nothing spoiling the natural beauty.  The blue of both the sea and the sky, forming a green sandwich of the hills and trees in between.

People come to Thailand for many different reasons.  Many different reasons.  I come for the amazing natural beauty.  The smiles from the locals.  And the excellent food.  Our hotel was a short walk from the village of Thong Nai Pan Noi, where we spent each evening, trying out somewhere new for dinner.  Half of the places look as though they have never had a hygiene inspection.  And they probably haven’t.  But the many busy tables every night tell you something about the food they are pumping out.  All your favourite Thai dishes from home are here, at a fraction of the cost.  We had fabulous massamans.  Excellent penangs.  Delicious green curries.  And from a roadside vendor, serving up food from the side of his scooter, an amazing banana roti.  At the hotel we even got a serving of a very large fly, wok fried in the middle of our fried rice.  I am not sure he was supposed to be there, although the eating of insects is nothing new amongst the cuisine of South East Asia.

Buggy rice aside, Thailand is a place that I could keep returning to.  But then again, don’t I say that about most places I go?